This week I'm sharing a photo creation that's a bit darker than usual. I call it, Refusing to See. Sometimes God wants to take us further in some area, and it's tempting to ignore His call and pretend not to see what He is doing. In the end, it's all about trust: do we trust Christ enough to allow Him to lead us?
As I traveled the world to film makeovers and interviews with young women, I had the beautiful opportunity to capture the story of a young lady who had allowed God to pry her fingers off her eyes and encounter His love. Amy met me in London for her shoot, and after capturing her “before” photos on the fast-paced streets, she began to share about her home town on the English coast. It sounded epic and surreal, and I decided to finish her shoot there. We jumped the train and traveled for several hours, landing at surreal fields and white bluffs overlooking the ocean.
Amy shared how her struggle with Anorexia began with insecurities she faced from a school teacher who bullied her at a young age. Even after he was expelled, she decided that if she could be “perfect,” she'd never have to experience the brunt of disapproval again. After her grandmother unexpectedly died and her mother became pregnant and had another child, Amy's world felt even more fragile. Terrified of rejection, she began controlling everything around her, especially her diet. If I can control my body, she reasoned, I can be perfect, just like the girls I see in magazines who look happy.
Doctors diagnosed her with Anorexia and depression, but instead of solving her problems, the inner turmoil increased and Amy found herself walking to the brink of the white cliffs and contemplating suicide. However, something intangible kept her back from jumping and she walked away, choosing instead to enter a discipleship program for young women. One of the counselors led her to the window and showed her the rolling moors.
“Amy, do you see all this beauty?” she asked. She then reached for Amy's hand and pointed to her palm. “God created all this beauty, and your troubles are just a speck in His hand. They're not unimportant, but they're so small in comparison to His greatness. If you can trust Him, you'll be able to watch Him take care of your troubles.”
Amy's eating disorder was really an issue of trust. Choosing to trust that God was big enough to take care of things she couldn't was a big step: it allowed her to let go of obsessively controlling her body and begin the mental process of embracing health. Being imperfect was ok, because He was on her side. Pealing her fingers off of her eyes, she began to realize that God's love was there all the time, waiting for her to trust Him.
I don't know about you, but I sometimes feel God's tug to let go of a situation and trust Him. If I cover my eyes and refuse to see how He is leading, I end up trying to accomplish it in my own strength, and missing out on His love and purpose. I believe God loves our hard work, responsibility, and desire to excel, but if we feel the tug on our hearts to follow Christ rather than our own ideas about a situation, it leads us to a choice: will we trust God or do things our way? As we choose to put Him first, we'll discover that trust is a beautiful thing.
Prayer: Lord, I want to follow You fully! In areas of my life that I need to trust You, please show me how to put You first so I can rest in Your peace and fully experience Your love.